Hello, my dear reader. Wherever you’re reading this—whether you’re curled up on the couch, or sitting in a café—I want you to know that you’re in a safe space. This is our little corner of the world, where honesty, vulnerability, and a touch of humor are always welcome.
Today, we’re talking about something that so many expat women face, but few are brave enough to talk about out loud: the silence. That heavy, aching silence of feeling like you don’t belong.
Maybe you moved abroad with big dreams. A fresh start. A love story. Or just the idea that life would be richer, fuller, better. But now you’re here, and you’re wondering, Why does it feel so hard?
Let me tell you a story.
Picture this. You’re at a dinner party, or maybe it’s the school gate where you drop off your kids. You’re surrounded by people who seem so comfortable in their lives. They’re chatting, laughing, swapping stories.
And you? You’re there too, smiling politely, holding your cup of tea, but it’s like you’re watching from behind a glass wall.
You’ve practiced your sentences. You’ve told yourself, Just speak up! They’ll understand! But when you finally say something, there’s that pause. That split second where someone struggles to understand your accent or responds with a polite but dismissive nod. And just like that, your confidence crumbles.
The loneliness sinks in.
The shame follows.
You start thinking, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make this work?
And you know what’s the hardest part? The silence.
Not the external silence, but the one inside your heart. The voice that says, Don’t bother. You’ll just embarrass yourself again.
I know this pain. I’ve lived it. And it’s the kind of struggle that can make even the brightest, boldest woman start to shrink.
If this is where you are right now, I want you to know: it’s not your fault. And you are not alone.
Here’s the thing. When you’re feeling invisible, it’s natural to think, I just need to try harder.
I did it, too. I watched hours of videos about blending in culturally. I memorized small talk—"Weather’s nice, isn’t it?"—and tried to laugh at the right times during conversations. I told myself, If I can just master this language, they’ll finally see me.
But you know what happened? I felt more fake than ever.
I was exhausted from trying to be someone I wasn’t. And when things didn’t change, that shame got louder. I started thinking, Maybe I’m just not the kind of person who belongs anywhere.
Looking back, I can laugh at how much pressure I put on myself to be perfect. But in the moment? It hurt. It made me believe that I was the problem. That I was broken. But I was not.
So, what changed? It wasn’t a big, dramatic moment. It was quiet.
One morning, I was standing in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth, and this thought hit me like a lightning bolt: What if I stopped waiting for someone else to invite me in? What if the only invitation I need… is from myself?
At first, it felt silly. But that day, I decided to experiment.
I smiled at a stranger at the park.
I asked a fellow mom, “How long have you lived here?” even though my inner critic whispered, What if she thinks you’re weird?
And I started showing up, little by little, without waiting for permission to be seen.
And you know what? People started noticing me—not because I was perfect, but because I was present. Those walls I’d built, brick by brick, began to crumble.
It wasn’t magic. It was me.
And it is possible for you, too.
When you stop hiding behind the need to be perfect…
When you let go of the shame that tells you you’re not good enough…
When you start showing up, even in the smallest, most imperfect ways…
That’s when the magic happens.
You find people who see you for who you are—not just your accent or your mistakes.
You start building connections that feel real, even if your grammar isn’t perfect.
And most importantly, you begin to believe something beautiful: I belong, just as I am.
So, here’s my question for you: What would happen if you stopped hiding?
And that’s a wrap for today, my lovely expats! If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your stories. Email them to me or leave me a voice message on Instagram.
Until next time, remember: You belong right where you are, because the world needs exactly who you are.
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