Hey hey, lovely expats! Welcome back to another episode of Social Expat Journal, where we dive into all things expat, language anxiety, and, of course, the journey to finding our most confident selves. I’m Nina, your your go-to anxiety coach, and fellow expat who’s been there, done that, and yes, bought the entire souvenir shop.
So today, let’s talk about something that I know hits home for so many of us—the fear of change. Not just any change, but the fear that when we do something major—like change jobs, take on a new role, or even start speaking up in situations where we used to stay silent—that our relationships will shift. Maybe not for the better.
And, as expat women, this fear gets wrapped up in so much more. We’re already dealing with adjusting to a new culture, battling language barriers, and trying to make friends in a place that doesn’t always feel like home yet. So, it’s no wonder the idea of one more change—even a positive one—feels overwhelming.
Alright, let’s dig into this!
So here’s the thing: Change is a natural part of life. We hear that all the time, right? But what we don’t often hear is how isolating that change can feel, especially when you’re living abroad. You’ve already moved to a new country, which, let’s be real, is a huge change. You’ve maybe left family and friends behind, you’ve got this new identity as "the expat," and now you’re navigating everything from figuring out where to buy your groceries to mastering a whole new language.
The thought of making another major shift—whether that’s changing jobs, taking a promotion, or even stepping into a new social circle—can bring up all the fears. Will the people back home understand? Will they feel disconnected? And what about the friends you’ve just started to make here—will they feel like you’re too different now? Too bold, too confident?
For women who struggle with social anxiety, this can feel like a double-edged sword. On one hand, you want to grow, to speak up, to shine in your new surroundings. On the other, the fear of losing the connections you’ve worked so hard to build can be paralyzing. It’s like, "What if I finally step into my power, and the people in my life can’t handle it?"
This fear of outgrowing relationships? It’s valid. It’s something most of us will experience at some point. But what if we could reframe it a little?
Instead of focusing on the relationships that might change, what if we shifted our energy toward the relationships that will evolve with us? Some of the people in your life may not be able to follow you on your new path. And, while that’s hard, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you’re becoming more of who you’re meant to be.
And here’s a secret: As you become more authentic, confident, and in tune with your voice, you’ll find new connections—people who truly see you, value you, and who aren’t intimidated by your growth. It might take time, but those friendships are worth waiting for. Trust me.
So, how do we actually do this? How do we lean into change and embrace who we are becoming without letting the fear of losing relationships hold us back?
Here are a few things that have helped me and the women I coach:
Communicate openly. Don’t assume that people in your life won’t understand your growth. They might surprise you! Talk to them about what’s going on, how you’re changing, and why it’s important to you.
Be okay with discomfort. Change isn’t supposed to feel easy. But discomfort is a sign that you’re stretching beyond your comfort zone—and that’s where growth happens.
Find your tribe. Look for other expat women, communities, or language groups where you can connect with like-minded souls. Being around others who are on a similar journey makes the change feel less scary.
Practice self-compassion. Give yourself grace. It’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let fear make the decisions for you. You’re stronger than you think!
If you’re feeling this fear deeply, let me remind you—you are not alone in this. As expats, as women, we’re navigating so many layers of identity and change, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it in isolation.
That’s why I created my Social Expat coaching program. It’s designed to help women like you work through social anxiety, language barriers, and that nagging fear of “not being good enough” so you can show up confidently in your new life abroad.
Whether you’ve just landed in a new country or you’ve been here for a while but still feel like you haven’t found your footing, I’m here to help. Let’s get you speaking up and showing up the way you’ve always wanted.
And that’s a wrap for today, my lovely expats! If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your stories. Email them to me or leave me a voice message on Instagram.
Until next time, remember: You belong right where you are, because the world needs exactly who you are.
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